Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
