just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
