Kiss
Puke
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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