We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
