Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
