You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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