Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
