I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
