i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
