sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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