i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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