we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
