just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
