giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
