Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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