thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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