Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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