yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
