I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
