he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
