"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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