how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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