I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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