Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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