You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
