imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can I color on your dick again?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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