i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
