I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's Friday. Sex?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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