M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
