you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
