did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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