dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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