she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
