All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
