I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
