sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
