Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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