Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
