I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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