dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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