I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
