3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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