So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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