I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
