did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
