he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
