I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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