as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We left an ass print on the piano.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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