Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
