And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
