Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
