eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
