The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
