New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
