In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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