Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
