can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
