I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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