You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
