She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
