I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
