i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
