Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
