dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
