So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
