We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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