I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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