My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
