omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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