I feel great
I just peed on a car
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
