dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
