you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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