The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
